Tales of a Double Virgo

Episode #17

and the walls came tumbling down…..

 

i write this not yet knowing what today will bring.

i write this wondering what it all means.

i write this from a place of truth and discovery

not knowing the answers yet

not clear about how to proceed.

 

and the walls came tumbling down.

 

it’s amazing to me

how many people

are a total contradiction.

say one thing. do another.

 

why is that?

 

i feel that i’ve consciously pointed myself in the direction of:

same on the inside AND out.

the dichotomy that i have felt

between my inners and outers

was never comfy.

 

it’s one thing to claim you are one way

when clearly you are not.

it’s a whole other beast

to FEEL you are one way

and not see it reflected in your life.

 

what i’m learning more and more

is that

nothing actually exists on the outside

that isn’t present within.

in other words~

life always shows us what we’ve got

whether we like it or not.

 

how do we change what we see?

we dive IN to ourselves and explore.

 

so much of who we are

is built in the unconscious.

where we came from. what we experienced.

what our BELIEFS are.

all build a version of ourselves that we may or may not agree with.

 

i always seem to circle back to belief.

the anatomy of belief.

beliefs ARE the foundation of who we are

or

who we think we are.

 

sometimes who we think we are

is not who we present.

that is confusing.

the conflict within each of us

about who we think we are and who we really are

sends mixed messages to those around us.

 

what we do speaks louder than what we say.

pay attention to your DO-ings.

what are your do-ings SAY-ing?

 

awareness is built.

built thru our willingness to truly see.

not what we want to see

but what IS.

awareness is shocking.

and the walls came tumbling down.

with awareness

we see ourselves for who we are.

and that’s not always who we want to be.

 

are we willing to see around our beliefs

to the truth?

can we see around our beliefs?

 

sometimes a belief sloughs off with ease.

others feel like their breaking will actually cause death!

when our foundation of belief is shaken

it may come tumbling down.

that isn’t always pleasant.

the good new is

we can rebuild it.

better this time.

 

i have felt the threat of releasing a foundational belief.

i literally thought i was going to die.

that’s how much that belief shaped me

and my life.

i didn’t die.

in fact

i feel even more alive.

i’m pretty sure it was the belief that was killing me

not the releasing of it.

 

and the walls came tumbling down.

 

lean in.

feel around.

be willing to ‘die’

so you can rebuild a better you.

maybe the chicken crossed the road because she fucking felt like it.

maybe the chicken crossed the road because she fucking felt like it.