unexpected moment of bliss

Tales of a Double Virgo

Episode #40

unexpected moment of bliss

 

i was standing there

feeling ok

when it hit me

again.

the sometimes and often

tidal wave of grief

whose exact moment of impact

cannot be anticipated.

 

a friend died last week.

the whole community in shock.

his wife?

if my pain is this intense

i cannot even begin to imagine hers.

 

grief is no stranger.

my entire BEing feels worked

top to bottom

inside and out.

the pain is exhausting

on many levels

and

so familiar.

 

grief

if i let it have its way with me

my insides turn to mush

like a caterpillar

in its cocoon

liquifying

in to its cosmic goo

as the imaginal cells

dream up the next version of self

unlike the old.

 

this is much how grief affects me

turning my inners to goo

to be REformed

as my new version of self.

 

deep loss.

deep pain.

dotted with

unexpected moments of bliss.

how is bliss possible

within pain?!

 

i went for a drive

to a lake

at the base of the mountains

a sacred spot

to recharge.

 

it was stormy

it took my breath away

i felt my body lighten

my heart swell

-an unexpected moment of bliss-

 

and for a moment

i allowed myself to be washed with the beauty

the pure ecstasy of being alive

IN THIS MOMENT.

 

sometimes what is always there

is only noticeable

thru tears.

maybe the tears

windshield wipe

our vision

clearing out layers of dirt and splattered bugs

so that we can actually see

with new eyes

what truly lies before us.

 

maybe the goo

that grief turns our insides to

can REform

as a more beautiful version of ourselves

capable of

unexpected moments of bliss

deep gratitude

and

mucho love and appreciation

for what is.

 

maybe the breath that is inhaled

to a limp, grieving body

contains the life force energy

to ultimately set us free.

 

much love & support to anyone

anywhere

who is grieving.

may the goo it creates turn in to something beautiful.