Daily Nugget #208
the sea of fear
i’ve been swimming in it.
i’ve never been here before.
it seems so unfamiliar
yet
it also feels like a main ingredient
in the cocktail of emotions
that have ebbed and flowed
thru me my whole life.
swimming in the sea of fear
is different that i would have thought.
how fascinating it has been
to swim with the awareness
of what i’m swimming IN.
i’m slightly confused
and
totally in awe
of it’s magnitude.
instead of running
or
swimming away
i am wading thru it.
curious to know it better.
curious to feel what could be
the base layer
of much of my ‘stuff ‘
up until this point.
it’s not the kind of fear that makes my heart pound
or my stomach squeeze>
it’s somehow different.
like a steady stream of presence
similar to numbness.
instead of looking away
i’m looking in.
wondering what the hell i was thinking
to build my emotional foundation
upon it.
why are we not taught these things?
and why
do we keep modeling it
for future generations?
interesting to look
to feel
to stay with it
not in an all consuming way
but in a
hey-i-want-to-learn-more way.
instead of pivoting my way out
i am staying IN.
not in a torturous or self sabotaging way>
in a way that Fully Sees
before Release is Possible.
Fully See Before Release is Possible.
get it?
we spend so much freaking time avoiding.
avoiding how we feel
avoiding the truth.
what if we just looked it in the eyes?!
then what?
holy crap
when you truly look at something
its power is deflated by its truth.
this fear thing
the sea of fear i’m swimmin’ in
is TOTALLY impersonal.
it just IS.
did i get to this layer by looking?
maybe.
maybe i kept looking in to the eyes
of each seemingly nasty and horrific ‘thing’
within me
only to find
that it’s not that at all.
it feels neutral
when all along
i was expecting to find the boogie man.
maybe it’s the layer on top
that starts forming the boogie man within.
the blend of emotional colors and flavors
that come together
to form your specific energetic signature.
maybe if we pulled out the ‘ingredients’
one at a time
their synergy would deactivate???
deep thoughts
in the sea of fear.
how long will i be here?
no clue.
i’ll tell you this tho
it sure is nicer to be the observer
rather than the observed.