the sea of fear

Daily Nugget #208

the sea of fear

 

i’ve been swimming in it.

i’ve never been here before.

it seems so unfamiliar

yet

it also feels like a main ingredient

in the cocktail of emotions

that have ebbed and flowed

thru me my whole life.

 

swimming in the sea of fear

is different that i would have thought.

how fascinating it has been

to swim with the awareness

of what i’m swimming IN.

 

i’m slightly confused

and

totally in awe

of it’s magnitude.

 

instead of running

or

swimming away

i am wading thru it.

curious to know it better.

curious to feel what could be

the base layer

of much of my ‘stuff ‘

up until this point.

 

it’s not the kind of fear that makes my heart pound

or my stomach squeeze>

it’s somehow different.

like a steady stream of presence

similar to numbness.

 

instead of looking away

i’m looking in.

wondering what the hell i was thinking

to build my emotional foundation

upon it.

 

why are we not taught these things?

and why

do we keep modeling it

for future generations?

 

interesting to look

to feel

to stay with it

not in an all consuming way

but in a

hey-i-want-to-learn-more way.

instead of pivoting my way out

i am staying IN.

not in a torturous or self sabotaging way>

in a way that Fully Sees

before Release is Possible.

 

Fully See Before Release is Possible.

get it?

we spend so much freaking time avoiding.

avoiding how we feel

avoiding the truth.

what if we just looked it in the eyes?!

then what?

 

holy crap

when you truly look at something

its power is deflated by its truth.

this fear thing

the sea of fear i’m swimmin’ in

is TOTALLY impersonal.

it just IS.

 

did i get to this layer by looking?

maybe.

maybe i kept looking in to the eyes

of each seemingly nasty and horrific ‘thing’

within me

only to find

that it’s not that at all.

it feels neutral

when all along

i was expecting to find the boogie man.

 

maybe it’s the layer on top

that starts forming the boogie man within.

the blend of emotional colors and flavors

that come together

to form your specific energetic signature.

 

maybe if we pulled out the ‘ingredients’

one at a time

their synergy would deactivate???

 

deep thoughts

in the sea of fear.

how long will i be here?

no clue.

i’ll tell you this tho

it sure is nicer to be the observer

rather than the observed.