Daily Nugget #160
sometimes i get off on the pain
there are days when i recognize that i am in a certain place
specifically to hear something.
i am WAY more open to things these days.
i did 3 new things.
1. i went on an overnight horse trip. yay!
2. i went to my first rodeo.
3. i allowed myself to like a country music song.
<wow. what’s happening to me!>
i’ve been wanting to do a horse trip for some time.
it was amazing
i learned a lot.
what amazing BEings horses are.
after spending most of my life
longing to have a horse friend(s)
i now have one
i get to see him
learn from him all of the time.
i’ve waited a long time for this.
did i mention that horses are amazing?
i’ve always judged the rodeo
there was a bunch of animal abuse
i was mistaken.
i had a date this weekend with my youngest son
to check out our local rodeo
the one that i have heard from my house
multiple times per week for years.
all of these years i judged it
my judgment was completely wrong.
that judge-y thing is a bitch.
the truth is
i really enjoyed it!
what athletes! <both the humans AND the animals!>
i was in complete awe.
i must stop judging.
the country music song.
country <or Nashville pop> is just not my genre
at the rodeo
i heard a line in a song that blew my mind:
‘Sometimes I Get Off On The Pain.’
that can mean SOOO many things
i thought about my inner challenges.
i like the challenge.
i get off on the pain
on the suffering
on the dark cloud.
is that for real?
am i for real?
i DO think my personality likes a challenge
so i create them.
challenges pop up
time and time again
just to keep me on my toes.
the challenges appear to be outer
but are really on the inside.
sometimes i get off on the pain.
we all know those kind of people
who thrive on drama.
maybe we all do?
maybe we get off on remembering our hard childhoods
our bad marriages
our health problems.
i never would have thought that about myself
until i heard that song
at the rodeo.
i never even would have been at the rodeo
had i not chilled the f out
to explore a culture
that is alive and well in my community.
i love you. i’m sorry. please forgive me. thank you.
i consider myself to be mostly self aware
so realizing this whole other side
was a bit shocking.
tho i do my best to not immediately judge anyone or anything
there is was
lurking in the shadows.
maybe i had to lurk in the shadows to bump in to it?
to explore ourselves.
what an adventure.
how can there be so much uncharted territory?!
how can i live with myself so closely
not know so much about me?
i’m getting there.
going spelunking within
finding some cool caverns.
can’t wait to see what new things i allow myself to experience next.
thank you Gary Allan for my breakthru moment.