my suitcase

Tales of a Double Virgo

Episode #20

my suitcase

 

my suitcase has always been neatly packed

with a few messy corners

and

an awkward bulge here and there.

 

at the moment

i am being pushed on to a plane with no luggage.

not even a freakin’ carry on

and

i look down

to find i’m naked.

 

nothing to grab on to

nothing to cover up with

nothing to entertain myself

just me.

 

this is taking the:

‘am i medicating?’ post

to the next level.

 

i keep reading all of this cool stuff

about the turning point time that we are living in

about how everyone now

must definitely be ‘DOing’

what they are ‘here for’.

 

fuck.

i WAS doing that, i thought.

now

all of that is getting pulled away

as i am shoved on to this plane

on my way to:

who the hell knows where.

 

i have officially entered uncharted territory

within myself and my life.

i am not ‘DOing’ what i thought i would be

in this Oh-So-Freaking-Important-Time.

not even close.

 

at one point

i just stopped fighting it.

never have i felt so much like a lump of clay

being molded by cosmic hands.

is someone playing chess with me?

 

this is when i realized

my suitcase.

neatly packed. messy corners. awkward bulges.

 

‘Empty It Completely’ said a voice from above and within.

Lose ALL of the baggage.

the beliefs.

who i thought i was.

what i thought i was here for.

what i thought i wanted to be ‘doing’

and

start fresh.

 

i am a fresh dry erase board now.

i can use fun colors to create my life

to test some things out

and

<this is a biggy>

i can erase it if it sucks.

I Can Erase It If It Sucks!!!

 

for forevs

i had a block around planning for my future

even if it was the nearby future.

i always believed

that if i pointed myself in any direction

i would be locked to it

FOREVER.

and that thought freaked me the hell out.

so my communication with myself and my life

was often

well

miscommunicated.

 

to see myself as a dry erase board is fun!
i can let go of feeling i’m locked in to ANYTHING

and i can go about

having experiences

testing out this and that

to see where i might ultimately

want to land!

i don’t have to know now.

i am determined to enjoy the ride.

i don’t have to take it so damn seriously.

it’s ok to have fun, for goodness sake.

in fact

i WANT it to be fun.

this ‘do what i’m here to do’ thing

has been way too stressful

for way too long.

 

so…..

i’m naked & stuff-less on this plane to who-the-hell-knows where

and

turns out

the lady next to me

has a super hot outfit and some sensible shoes to give me.

the guy behind me tosses me a perfectly broken in jean jacket.

the kid across the isle shares his cheezy poofs.

then

i find out

where we are going is, well…..

i’ll save that for another post.

 

and i’ll save the pictures from this adventure for another post too.

i’m sure you’ve conjured up some doozies in your own mind.

i hope i look hot.

😀

 

‘We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.’

Joseph Campbell <3