Daily Nugget #169

how do you do it?!

 

i am inspired to write about love and marriage and relationships today.

i just had my 18th wedding anniversary

and

someone had a thoughtful question for me.

 

‘holy shit. that’s a long time. how do you do it?’

 

yes, that IS a long time and lots of people do it

tho not everyone still likes each other after all of those years.

they stay together because it’s easier? or for the kids?

or

the lives you’ve tied together are just too tangled now.

 

all relationships have ups and downs and ins and outs.

the key moments in MY marriage

have been when one of us choose a different reaction.

 

we all have our ‘stuff ‘

our issues that we bring to the table.

when one persons stuff comes up

and

the other person reacts based on their own stuff

the cycle continues.

you may never get anywhere

when both of you won’t budge.

 

the real magic, growth, expansion happens

when you step OUT of your normal reaction

and

choose differently,

not engaging in the same pattern

over and over and over and over…….

 

it can be quite difficult to change and grow and evolve together

when neither of you are willing to react differently to each others ‘stuff ‘.

 

make sense?

 

think about your person

<or any relationship for that matter>

now

think about your issues.

what comes up for you?

what things do you cycle thru?

they may not be up all of the time

but they are there

and

they DO surface.

 

now

imagine how you might react differently this time.

or

how you might feel if your person reacted differently.

it takes a bit of practice

and

you DO have authentically react in a new way

or

not at all  <being neutral>.

 

like everything i write/talk about

it takes practice

and

it takes awareness.

 

 

pay attention.

listen deeply.

take your relationship to new levels

when you choose

to react differently……