extreme self doubt

Daily Nugget #157

extreme self doubt

 

i live in a place of extremes.

extreme terrain

extreme athletes. animals. water.

weather. work. play. ideas.

and yes

emotions.

the earth around me is extreme.

explosive.

it sets up the perfect environment

for an extreme inner landscape.

 

extreme self doubt.

i reached this place this week.

how can anyone survive in that climate?!

is/was this a passing phase

or

is this a deeper layer of me

exposed by the fold in time

that this ‘blue moon’

illuminates?

 

extreme self doubt.

extreme cravings for stimulating sugary things.

extreme need for deep rest.

 

why is this all so extreme?

am i so sensitive that it just feels that way to me?

or

do you feel it?

 

do you have moments of joy. bliss.

followed by moments of

‘what the hell am i doing’?

 

how long does it take for the voice of inner love and acceptance

to be louder

than the critic

or

the doubter?

 

extreme anything

is

extreme.

 

i need big rest.

big nutrients.

although the gardens are bulging

i am not inspired to cook.

 

some days

i feel like flee-ing.

but to where?

i will take the extremes with me.

 

oh

to dip my toes in the ocean more often.

when is that teleport technology

gonna be ready??

 

wow.

what a ramble.

what a week.

what a freakin year or three.

 

anyone want to go make a big fire and burn some stuff?

play some music.

dance under extreme skies

full of extreme planetary weather?!

 

oh lordy.

someone get me a drink quick

of tea

ha!

 

a hummingbird just flew by

and

hovered in front of my face.

with a tilt of her head

and

a chirp chirp

she buzzed away.

‘hey hummingbird’.

 

deep breath.

pay attention to your inhale.

deep breath.

pay attention to your exhale.

breathe on purpose.

breathe easy.

 

the breath. the breath.

oh the breath.

how i love thee.

 

i’m burning some resins.

clearing with smoke.

a smudge.

a ritual.

a cloudless sky.

 

what is your heart saying?

do you love you?

are you willing to?

it’s becoming more and more painful

to feel bad.

 

the caterpillar turns in to a soupy sac of potential.

i am the soup.

dreaming up my emergence.

dreaming where i will fly.

dreaming up a world of empowered~passionate people

ready to lean IN to a new life.

one. two. three. GO!