Tales of a Double Virgo

Episode #50

excavation

 

if you ask me

the months of november. december.

and

a dash of january

need to be excavated

and

rebuilt.

 

i am NOT a jolly holiday-er.

this is NOT my fav time of the year.

i am an official member of

POOPtown

&

scroogeville.

 

why?

i ask myself that same damn question every year.

 

this year my grrrrrrr factor was Xtra potent.

&

again i explored my why’s.

 

well

there are the obvious ones:

buy. buy. buy.

obligation.

spend spend.

guilt. pressure. yuck.

the waning light

and

colder dayz…

 

and

the not so obvious ones:

why do we cram a whole year of celebrating

in to a few short weeks?

our celebrating muscles are so fucking out of balance.

 

in the days of pastness

people celebrated shifts and cycles

every season.

about every 6 weeks

there was something to celebrate.

no need to spend all of your money

your sugar chips

and

alcohol quota

in the ONLY 6 weeks

of ‘accepted’ celebrating.

 

we got the 6 right

it’s just out of balance

like so much of our lives.

 

today

i realized

that

all we needed was an excavator

to come in

and

scoop out

part of the year

so we can rebuild

with harmony

and

learn to use our celebratory muscles

more frequently

so as to not fucking overwork them so damn much

during the designated celebration season.

 

fuck.

 

there are things to celebrate all year long.

so many milestones.

so many mercury’s going direct.

so many fires out.

lost dogs found.

so many abundant gardens

beliefs questioned

relationships released

jobs changed

goals reached.

and on and on and on…..

 

i’m excavating the whole damn thing

and

rebuilding in harmony

spreading out the goodness

thru out the ENTIRE year

so

we always have something to celebrate.

and

it doesn’t require money

or

buying stuff

or

any kind of obligatory activity.

 

you can celebrate if you are feeling it

and

maybe sometimes you’re not.

 

come to think of it

i think i’ll have that excavator

come scoop out a few outdated beliefs

dwelling within me

so i can rebuild them too

from a place of trust.

 

ah. trust.

something i’ve been keenly aware of people lacking in

and

it wasn’t until

someone showed me their UNtrust recently

that i realized

there was a piece of it

lurking in the depths of my heart.

this whole past year people have been throwing their UNtrust at me

for fucks sake.

now i get it.

 

*you will keep seeing it

until it is healed*

 

thank you, oh wise one

playing thru the relationships of my life

showing me

with great clarity

where i need a personal tune-up.

 

i know

sometimes i have been confused

now i get it.

 

i’m leaning in.

why NOT trust?

it feels a hell of a lot better.

 

excavate the UNtrust.

 

if you do

will there be any of you left?

will you be fully scooped?

leveled?

 

will any of you remain?

will any of you remain?

will any of you remain?……