Daily Nugget #74

addiction.

 

what IS addiction?

where does it come from?

why do we have it?

 

this is a topic that stirs much curiosity

within me

as i attempt to understand it.

 

why?

why do we have addictions?

why do we ‘need’ certain things.

ya ya ya, i know sometimes there is a ‘physical’ component

however

from what i’ve witnessed

things don’t start in the physical.

they just land there

cause that is the plane that tends to gets our attention the swiftest.

 

so why?

why do we have such things.

why do we spend time in our day

dreaming about that glass of wine

that drag of tobacco

that heap of sugar

that…

the list goes on.

but it does not end @ ‘substances’

emotions do the same thing.

and our mind?

yikes! don’t get me started.

 

some of us are addicted to drama

fear

our pain

our past

pointing out others faults

sabotaging ourselves

negative self talk.

the list goes on.

 

where does it start?

where does it come from? originate?

when was it born?

 

did it start in our mothers belly?

did it start when we were injected with poisons?

did it start when our parents didn’t believe in us?

or listen to us?

did it start when we were left to be comforted by a

blanket

or

a stuffed animal

when really

all we wanted was to be held?

 

i don’t know.

 

all i know is that i intend to get to the bottom of it

to understand

and

to help us heal.

 

i often push myself deeper into an addiction

so that i can see if i can get out.

see what my reaction is.

see how i respond.

 

sometimes i get stuck there for a while…..

 

funny thing, addiction.

it can be consuming

controlling

and

TOTALLY DISTRACTING

from the the good stuff in life.

 

gosh

if i don’t get a drink

or a smoke

or some chocolate

or whatever

RIGHT NOW

i’m gonna lose my shit.

 

wow.

we are missing out on some cool stuff

when we get pulled into the addiction vortex.

 

we miss out on even more stuff

when our addictions are of the emotional or mental nature.

they are more subtle

yet

infinitely more powerful.

 

are we addicted to judgment?

are we addicted to lack?

 

ug!

addiction.

not sure that i’ve solved anything

but i sure have asked a lot of questions.

and

when we ask questions

the answer shall be revealed.

 

do YOU have addiction?

i’m not sure that we all do.

i feel like a healthy and aware person

and

i for sure have them.

 

this is an interesting definition:

addiction. the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma.

 

hmmm. enslaved? cessation causes severe trauma?

 

if we have addiction

does that mean we do NOT have will power?

does that mean that we are not strong?

 

how can we be so controlled?

do those who have mastered the physical

still deal with this?

probably not.

what then must we master in order to truly be free?

to truly be in command of ourselves

and

our lives?

 

is this a belief?

how do we change it?

do we want to?

 

ahhh. so many questions.

so little answers.

let’s take a moment to explore this.

if you decided to read this,

you prob resonate so far

right?

let’s close our eyes

and

take a deep breath.

in thru the nose. out thru the mouth.

put your left hand on your heart

and

your right hand on your belly just below your button.

let’s call in, access, visualize

our ENTIRE timeline.

our own personal history.

for some it may just be this life.

for others it may extent to many.

breath as you see your timeline gathering before you

or around you.

 

now, ask yourself to send up a flare

at the time in your personal history

when addiction (in whatever form it manifests)

was born.

 

go to that point.

see what it is.

when it is.

what was happening?

 

for  me (sniff sniff)

it was a major point as a child

when i truly was NOT listened to

at i time when i reached out.

 

wow.

 

does addiction happen to fill something?

do we lose a part of ourselves along the way?

and

we must fill it in?

 

now

go to the place in your timeline

and

offer yourself whatever it is you needed then.

 

say, ‘it’s ok. we don’t have to carry this any further.

you are loved. you are safe. i will protect you.’

or something to that affect.

whatever seems appropriate for YOU

for then.

 

ah.

this is big healing, people.

visit yourself often.

bring with you

the love and care

that may have been absent

or

you perceived to be absent.

 

gather yourself.

love yourself.

and

move forward now

with the wholeness that you so deserve.

 

make yourself a cup of tea.

be gentle.

take good care.

be you.

be free!!